


It Starts With a Feeling

by divine_dissatisfaction



Category: Waitress - Bareilles/Nelson
Genre: Childbirth, F/F, Female Doctor Pomatter, Female Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Waitress but make it gay, for context: Jenna is bi and Dr P is gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:21:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22367107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/divine_dissatisfaction/pseuds/divine_dissatisfaction
Summary: "She knew she had to get over it. With a miserable marriage and a godforsaken baby on the way, developing a crush on her gynaecologist was the last possible thing she needed right now. Lord knows she’d had (and subsequently gotten over) enough silly girl-crushes in her time to know how to deal with them. Distance is what it would take. Perhaps, if it came to it, she could even request a different doctor."
Relationships: Becky/Cal (Waitress), Jenna Hunterson/Doctor Pomatter, Jenna Hunterson/Earl Hunterson, Ogie Anhorn/Dawn Williams
Comments: 13
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo basically seeing as we never got a female Pomatter, I thought I would write my own. I'm honestly a bit terrified of posting this because it's become such a sacred concept over the years and I wouldn't want to do a bad job. BUT here am, carpe-ing the diem and posting it anyway!
> 
> It's essentially an abridged version of the show but obviously, the doc is a Lady this time. Updates will be weekly; I learnt my lesson from last time and basically have the majority of the fic already written, so no more massive gaps between new chapters (fingers crossed). I should also probably thank Jessie Nelson and Sara Bareilles and of course Adrienne Shelley because I've pinched the majority of their dialogue/lyrics 👍
> 
> I hope you enjoy! Find me on Twitter @LauraKatharineX and Tumblr laura-katharine <3
> 
> P.S. it's my birthday today so if you don't like it pls don't yell at me thankyousomuch

Jenna Hunterson could think of several other places she would rather be on a Thursday morning than the waiting room of St. Joseph’s, surrounded by a simpering selection of other mothers-to-be. She was meant to be in the diner, readying the pies for the day, and had already prepared a variety of excuses for Cal the cook regarding her lateness: “bus was late”, “bus wouldn’t start”, “driver was driving too slowly”. But here she was in a gynecologist’s waiting room, perched on the edge of a plastic chair, holding a freshly-baked pie in her lap. She scanned her eyes over the other patients, taking in odd scraps of their excitable conversations.

‘I’m having the kookiest food cravings,’ one girl said to her neighbor, reclining on her chair with two hands clasped under her barely-swollen belly.

‘Are you?’ the woman next to her replied.

‘I wanna chew gravel,’ the girl admitted, puffing her cheeks out.

‘That means you have an iron deficiency,’ said the woman sat across from the girl, leaning forward in her chair helpfully, ‘I add a handful of kale to my smoothie in the morning and it’s worked wonders.’

Jenna looked at this woman, at her perfectly-coiffed hair and glamourous maternity dress which stretched over her neat-and-tidy bump. She looked exactly like the kind of woman who would make kale smoothies in the morning. Hell, she probably even took the time to make sure her underwear matched. Jenna imagined that this woman was perfectly placed to raise a child, perhaps with a supportive husband and a nice house. In that moment, Jenna felt even more out-of-place.

It came as something of a relief when a plump nurse marched into the room and announced, ‘Mrs. Hunterson, the doctor will see you now.’

Before she could listen to any more conversations about stretch marks, or incontinence, or what other fresh hell awaited her with this predicament she found herself in, Jenna picked up her pie and scuttled after the nurse as she led her through to the doctor’s office.

Jenna could find some comfort, at least, in the fact that she knew her doctor well. Doctor Perkins was a kindly woman who had known Jenna all her life and had nursed her through various illnesses (including a savage case of the measles she’d had when she was eight). When she’d started baking pies with her mother as a small girl, she always made sure to bring one to every appointment, and Doctor Perkins had always waxed poetic over how wonderful they were. In amongst the confused chaos of Jenna finding herself pregnant, in a marriage which – to put it mildly - had gone stale years ago, she could take some solace in the fact that she had someone she trusted to guide her through it.

And so, she sat on the gynecologist table, having changed into a scratchy medical apron, with her bare feet crossed over each other, looking down at the pie she’d made for today’s appointment. She’d taken painstaking care over it, whipping the filling until there wasn’t even the _suggestion_ of a lump, and picking out the most perfect and pristine mini marshmallows to garnish the top. It was Doctor Perkins’ favorite pie, and Jenna had been glad of the opportunity to focus her attention on making it as immaculate as possible.

Finally, the door swung open, and Jenna turned to greet her doctor. She was, however, faced not with the grey-haired, bespectacled woman she was expecting (needing) to see, but with a younger, dark-haired woman who was peering down at a clipboard and frowning.

‘Hello, Mrs. Bunterson,’ the woman greeted, not looking up.

‘Hunterson,’ Jenna corrected.

‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ the woman replied, stepping into the room and finally meeting Jenna’s eyes.

Jenna looked back at her, making little effort to hide her confusion. She took in a tall, slender figure, dressed in a crisp, white lab coat. An equally confused face, sat on top of a pair of broad shoulders, looked back at her.

‘Um, who are you?’ Jenna questioned.

The woman blinked several times, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

‘I’m your doctor,’ she answered, almost as if it was an apology, ‘I’m Doctor Pomatter.’

Before Jenna could respond, Doctor Pomatter clocked the pie in her lap and smiled for the first time.

‘You brought a pie?’ she observed, sounding pleased, ‘You know, I’ve only been in town for a few weeks and I’m already so impressed by the genuine hospitality of this place.’

Jenna pursed her lips, watching as Doctor Pomatter looked down at her clipboard to scribble something down. Her accent wasn’t local, it was punchier, more like New England. Definitely out of town, in any case.

‘You’re not my doctor,’ Jenna disputed, knowing she was being impolite but feeling too disappointed to do anything about it, ‘Lily Perkins is my doctor.’ She gestured to the pie in her lap. ‘This pie is for her,’ she continued, ‘It’s Marshmallow Mermaid, her favorite.’

Doctor Pomatter sucked air through her teeth apologetically, shuffling her feet again.

‘I’m so sorry,’ she began, ‘But Doctor Perkins is no longer seeing patients. She’s semi-retired now.’

Jenna felt her heart plummet straight down to her bare toes.

‘What?’ she uttered, frowning.

‘Long story,’ Doctor Pomatter said, puffing her cheeks out.

Jenna looked at her steadily, somewhat impatiently, waiting for her to elaborate.

‘Making it short,’ Doctor Pomatter continued, clapping her hand on top of her clipboard for emphasis, ‘I’m the junior doctor on staff, I’m from Connecticut, I moved here two weeks ago, are you bored yet?’

‘Yes,’ Jenna retorted, without really thinking. Then she flushed with embarrassment. ‘I mean -’

‘I’m sorry,’ Doctor Pomatter said, laughing quietly and rocking back on her heels.

Jenna shook her head, rubbing the space between her eyebrows with her thumb and forefinger. She turned on the table, awkwardly while she held the pie in one hand, and faced the doctor properly.

‘Um. If you’re not comfortable having me as your doctor, that – that’s fine,’ Doctor Pomatter assured her, ‘My feelings won’t be hurt. You can just find another gynecologist in the area.’

‘Doctor Perkins delivered me, she’s been my doctor forever,’ Jenna explained desperately, ‘I really like and trust her.’

Doctor Pomatter took a tentative step towards her, lowering her clipboard and tilting her head a little.

‘Maybe you can really like and trust me, too?’ she offered, meeting Jenna’s eyes.

Jenna looked at her and sighed sharply. Doctor Pomatter looked steadily back at her, her expression earnest. There was something quite disarming about it, and Jenna felt suddenly self-conscious and broke their eye contact, looking back down at the pie and adjusting one of the marshmallows.

‘It doesn’t happen that fast, but I’ll try,’ she muttered petulantly.

‘Great, I’m your doctor!’ Doctor Pomatter proclaimed, punching one fist feebly in the air before looking like she immediately regretted it, ‘It’s lovely to meet you, Mrs. Bunterson.’

‘ _Hunterson_.’

‘Hunterson, Hunterson,’ the doctor repeated, scribbling on her clipboard again, ‘What seems to be the problem?’

Jenna winced.

‘I seem to be pregnant,’ she said, the words feeling cold and unfamiliar as she said them, as if someone else was saying them. Hell, she _wished_ it was someone else saying them, that this was all happening to someone else and not to her.

‘Oh, good! Good for you, congratulations,’ Doctor Pomatter said warmly, making more notes on her clipboard.

‘Thank you,’ Jenna replied, without emotion, ‘But I don’t – _want_ this baby.’

It was the first time she’d admitted that to someone who wasn’t Dawn or Becky. She still hadn’t told Earl about it, and truth be told, she wasn’t completely sure how she was going to. There’d been a couple of opportunities for her to come clean, when he’d been in a rare good mood and, even more rare, moderately sober. But she was torn between wanting to keep him in a good mood, and telling him the one thing which would almost certainly sink him into a bad one.

‘Oh. Okay,’ Doctor Pomatter said softly, pulling Jenna from her thoughts, ‘Well, I could refer you to someone who would perform -’

‘Oh, no – I’m keeping it,’ Jenna said hastily, before adding, ‘Not that I judge – that. I’m just -’

The doctor looked at her openly, and she bit her lip, closing her eyes and pinching the space between her eyebrows again.

‘I’m not so happy about it,’ she admitted, ‘Like everyone else might be.’

She thought of the Misses Kale-Smoothies and Kooky-Food-Cravings in the waiting room. Sure, they had looked apprehensive, even nervous. They’d complained with candor of how their bodies were changing and how their feet hurt. But they’d also wrapped their hands around their swelling stomachs, patting them fondly and talking about names, and gender-reveal parties, and how they were going to decorate the nursery.

Jenna glanced at Doctor Pomatter and saw that she was still looking at her, waiting for her to finish.

‘So, I’m asking you to be sensitive to that,’ she requested tersely, ‘And not make a big deal out of it and congratulate me every time you see me.’

The doctor nodded, blinking a couple of times.

‘I’m having the baby, that’s that,’ Jenna concluded, ‘It’s not a party though.’

‘Got it,’ Doctor Pomatter said, finally, scribbling another note on her clipboard and reciting quietly, ‘Not – a – party.’

The two women looked at each other again for a moment, apparently unsure of how to proceed. They were soon interrupted, however, by the nurse opening the door and striding inside. She was armed with a clipboard and now had a pair of spectacles perched on the end of her nose.

‘’Scuse me, Doctor Pomatter, here are Mrs. Hunterson’s blood test results,’ she said, handing the clipboard to the doctor and shifting her spectacles further up her nose with one finger.

‘Thank you, Nurse Norma,’ Doctor Pomatter said, taking the clipboard and peering down at it.

Nurse Norma nodded and strode back out of the room, closing the door behind her and leaving the two women alone again. The doctor took a step closer to Jenna, examining the results closely. Her mouth quirked upwards in a sort of half-smile.

‘Un-congratulations,’ she said, ‘You are definitely having a baby.’

Jenna laughed without mirth.

‘Un-thank you,’ she quipped.

They both smiled at each other, feeling a little more comfortable than they had before. Doctor Pomatter looked down at her clipboard, clicked her pen a couple of times, and started making more notes.

‘Okay, so. Do you have any concerns? “Do”s and “don’t”s, exercise, sex…’

Jenna fidgeted, touching the end of her nose with her knuckle.

‘Don’t really do much of either,’ she said with a shrug, sniffing.

She looked up at the doctor again, to see her blinking rather rapidly back at her.

‘Okay,’ Doctor Pomatter replied, her tone of voice a little higher than before, ‘Well, um.’

She started writing on her clipboard again, and Jenna began to wonder what on earth she could have to make so many notes about. Her gaze fell to the woman’s hand as it wrote: it was her left hand, with a simple, silver ring on the fourth finger. Looking up, Jenna also noticed that the doctor’s cheeks had turned pink.

‘Here’s a prescription for your prenatal vitamins,’ Doctor Pomatter said, clearing her throat delicately and holding the slip of paper out to Jenna. She let go before Jenna could take a firm grasp of it, however, and it began a gentle descent to the floor. Both women tried to grab it at the same time, their hands brushing against each other as they did so. The doctor managed to snatch it before it hit the ground, straightening up and holding it out to Jenna again, who took it. They both laughed a little awkwardly.

‘Um, Nurse Norma will give you a bad food list, but basically no alcohol or caffeine,’ Doctor Pomatter said hurriedly, ‘Really nice meeting you, Jenna. I’ll want to see you again in three weeks.’

Jenna nodded, taking a quick look at the prenatal vitamins she’d been prescribed. The doctor turned away from her, busying herself with rearranging the various pieces of medical equipment on a desk by the wall.

‘Doctor Pomatter, I do have one question,’ she said.

‘Yes?’ the doctor said, turning to look at her.

‘How pregnant am I?’ Jenna asked.

Doctor Pomatter glanced down at her clipboard for something like the hundredth time.

‘You are eight weeks, give or take,’ she told her.

‘Okay, so I won’t start showing for a while, right?’

‘That’s right.’

‘Good, that gives me a little time,’ Jenna mumbled, folding up the prescription with one hand and holding it.

Doctor Pomatter took a tentative step towards her, holding a consoling arm out.

‘You know, it’s quite beautiful,’ she began, ‘When a woman’s body -’

‘Nope,’ Jenna cut her off, hopping down from the table and marching towards the door, still holding the pie in both hands.

‘Sorry,’ the doctor said, laughing.

Jenna turned to her, giving her a small smile.

‘Doctor Pomatter, I’m gonna give you this pie,’ she said, holding the pie out in a gesture of reconciliation.

‘That looks absolutely delicious,’ the doctor replied gratefully, ‘But I’m off sugar.’

‘Huh?’ Jenna uttered.

‘Yup. It actually causes leptin resistance, chromium deficiency, decreased longevity…’ Doctor Pomatter reeled off.

Jenna smiled wistfully, even though she had little idea of what the doctor had just said.

‘My mama used to say you could live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you wanna live to be a hundred,’ she offered.

The doctor shrugged. ‘The longer you’re away from it, the less you crave it. I haven’t had a slice of pie in years.’

Jenna’s mouth fell open at that. When pies were so prevalent in her life and had been since she was a child, the concept of someone not eating it was completely alien to her.

‘Really?’ she breathed, tutting.

The doctor nodded at her, smiling.

Pressing her lips into a line, Jenna plonked the pie down on the gynecologist table.

‘Life’s hard enough,’ she said softly, throwing the doctor a shy smile as she walked out of the room.

* * *

Jenna burst into Joe’s Pie Diner at around 9.30, over half an hour later than she was expected to arrive. At least there weren’t many customers at this time of the day; the bigger rush tended to be around the middle of the day, with the diner being a favored location for lunchtime meetings. But still, she felt flustered, and out of breath, and there was a persistent churning sensation in her stomach which she didn’t like.

‘Late,’ Cal barked at her, hands on his hips.

‘Sorry, Cal, the bus driver was half asleep,’ Jenna mumbled, hoping she sounded convincing. She threw Dawn, who was rearranging the condiment bottles on the counter, a half-smile by way of a greeting.

‘Why doesn’t that husband of yours get you a car?’ the man asked.

‘He don’t want me going nowhere,’ Jenna said sharply, slinging her satchel bag below the counter and finding her name badge.

Cal did not press the matter further; he instead turned his attention to Becky, who had sidled in behind one of the pie racks.

‘And _you_ ,’ he hissed, almost incandescent.

Becky emerged, strutting forth in a denim jacket and sunglasses, a red bag slung over one shoulder.

‘You are inches away from being fired,’ Cal threatened, jabbing one finger in her direction.

‘Okay,’ Becky replied, entirely nonplussed, ‘Then fire me.’

‘Okay, I will.’

Becky removed her sunglasses, pursed her lips and raised one challenging eyebrow.

‘Okay, then do.’

The pair of them glared at each other. Jenna exchanged curious looks with Dawn. The tension was such that she half expected one of them to whip out a pistol, as if they were having a face-off in the Wild West. Cal stood down, however, slinking over to the back of the diner and into the kitchen. Becky strode behind the counter, stowing away her jacket and bag.

‘How was the doc?’ she hissed at Jenna, who was pushing a rack full of fresh pies across the diner towards the table in the window.

‘It was fine,’ Jenna replied, as she took out each pie in turn and placed them on individual stands, ‘It’s a new doctor.’

‘Oh, is he single? He might be good for Dawn,’ Becky asked in excitement.

Dawn giggled a little too rapidly.

‘She,’ Jenna clarified, swiveling a cherry and almond pie around so its best side was facing the window.

‘Oh,’ Becky said with a shrug, ‘Is _she_ single? She might be good for Dawn.’

‘ _Becky_ ,’ Dawn squeaked, thwacking the older woman on her arm with her rolled-up apron.

‘Nothing wrong with keeping your options open, girl,’ Becky said, holding her hands up and laughing.

‘She had a ring on,’ Jenna told them, grinning, ‘She was nice. Nervous. From Connecticut.’

‘Connecticut? What the hell’s she doing here?’ Becky asked, astounded.

Jenna hadn’t really given the matter much consideration. Moving from Connecticut to a small town on the borders of Kentucky seemed a strange action to take, now she thought of it. But it was none of her business.

‘I have no idea,’ she admitted.

Becky shrugged but changed the subject immediately by producing a large gift bag from behind the counter.

‘Park yourself, girl, we’ve got something for you,’ she said, pulling out a chair, which was promptly sat in by Dawn. ‘Not you,’ she said in fond exasperation. Dawn nodded and stood up again.

‘Oh, you shouldn’t have!’ Jenna said, sitting down and taking the gift bag from Becky’s hands.

She reached into the bag and pulled out a thick, square, ring-bound notebook. Holding it in both hands, she turned it over, and when she saw what was printed on the cover, she felt immediately deflated. There it was, her desperate and impossible situation, staring at her defiantly in a pink, swirly font.

‘“What a Mama You’re Gonna Be”,’ she read aloud, trying desperately to appreciate the sentiment behind the gift and sound grateful.

‘I researched all the best baby books, and this one is so sweet,’ Dawn told her, taking the book from Jenna to open it and flick to one particular, floral-bordered page, ‘Look! “Dear Baby”. There’s a page for you to write your first letter to your baby.’

Jenna gave her a wry smile.

‘Yeah, that’s really great,’ she said, not meeting Dawn’s eyes and fixing her gaze on the floor. She could see her friend’s shoulders droop in her peripheral vision, which just made her feel worse.

Becky walked around the table to stand next to Jenna, resting a hand on the back of her chair.

‘We know you didn’t immediately have a strong happiness about this pregnancy,’ she began, gently, ‘But she is coming anyway, so you might as well get used to -’

‘We don’t know it’s a “she”,’ Jenna interjected, ‘Could be an alien.’

Becky and Dawn didn’t laugh.

‘Are you really not feeling any affection towards this little baby?’ Becky asked her.

‘Not at all?’ Dawn added.

Jenna winced. She knew that a large part of why she was so resentful of her situation was that it felt like a shackle. A shackle which attached her to a man from whom she was so desperate to escape. But there was also a different feeling within her, buried in amongst the darker ones of hopelessness. She knew that this baby had had no say in being conceived or in being brought into the world. They were just the result of a string of bad decisions on her part, on his part too, and that was no fault of theirs. She felt a tiny twinge of protectiveness, a desire for them to have a smooth ride of it (till they were born, at least). But affection?

‘Not everyone wants to be a mama, Dawn,’ she said quietly, ‘That doesn’t make me a bad person.’

Before either of her friends could respond to this admission, however, Cal came slouching over with his hands on his hips, yelling, ‘Can I interest the book club in some coffee and a slice of Sit-On-Your-Ass pie?’

‘That’s a good one, Cal,’ Becky said with heavy sarcasm, as Jenna and Dawn leaped to their feet to get back to work, ‘Keep ‘em coming.’


	2. Chapter 2

The next time Jenna saw Doctor Pomatter was not at her next scheduled appointment, but before it, at the bus stop on an otherwise uneventful Tuesday evening. She hadn’t noticed the doctor at first, for she was preoccupied with dreaming up pie recipes. These weren’t just pies for the diner, but for the Springfield Pie Contest. She hadn’t even considered entering until Old Joe had proposed the idea, pointing to the advert in his newspaper. She’d never thought her pies were good enough to win a contest of any description, but the prize money for this one was 20,000 dollars. It had to be worth a shot. She didn’t dare think about what she could do with that kind of money, but couldn’t stop her brain buzzing with ideas: Jumping Without a Net Bottomless Pie, Getting Out of the Mud Mud-Pie –

‘Mrs. Hunterson?’

Jenna’s head shot around to see Doctor Pomatter looking at her, smiling. She felt a tiny flutter in the bottom of her belly. How long had she been standing there?

‘Oh, Doctor Pomatter, hi,’ Jenna greeted with a startled giggle, ‘Um, what are you doing here?’

‘My car wouldn’t start this morning, so I caught the bus,’ the doctor explained with a shrug. Her lab coat was slung over one shoulder, her free hand shoved in the front pocket of her pants. She crossed one foot over the other and glanced upwards at the darkening sky. ‘Forgot how much I love buses. Do you always take the bus?’ she asked Jenna.

‘On Tuesday nights, yeah, my husband goes out drinking with the boys,’ Jenna replied.

‘Oh, that’s nice – that you let him,’ Doctor Pomatter replied.

‘Yep, I love Tuesdays,’ Jenna said with a nod.

The doctor laughed, nervously, unsure of how to react.

‘Where do you live?’ Jenna asked her, looking up at her.

‘Stanton Grove.’

‘Oh, it’s nice up there.’

‘It is if you like trees. And who doesn’t like trees?’

Jenna nodded with a slightly quizzical smile; she didn’t have a particularly strong opinion on trees. Stanton Grove, on the other hand, was a neighborhood she’d passed through a few times in her life, on her way to source more interesting ingredients for her pies. It was pleasantly suburban, with neat-and-tidy houses lining each street and, now she came to think of it, a large number of trees.

‘Do you mind if I sit down?’ Doctor Pomatter asked her, gesturing to the bench on which Jenna was sat.

‘Oh, not at all,’ Jenna replied, standing up to move further down the bench. She looked down at herself and realized she’d forgotten to take her apron off, and quickly untied it before she sat down again, leaving a comfortable gap between herself and the doctor.

‘So, you’re a waitress?’ the doctor presumed, pointing to the apron as Jenna rolled it up neatly.

‘Yes, I’m a waitress,’ Jenna replied, tucking the apron inside her satchel. She crossed one leg over the other and turned to face the doctor properly.

‘Where do you work?’ was the doctor’s next question.

‘Joe’s Pie Diner, off Highway Twenty-Seven. We serve twenty-seven different varieties of pie,’ Jenna told her, smiling.

‘Wow, you must be a virtual pie factory,’ Doctor Pomatter replied.

‘I make all the pies fresh,’ Jenna disputed, slightly affronted, ‘Breakfast pies, lunch pies, and a special new pie I invent every day.’

The doctor took this in, nodding, and then shuffled slightly closer to her and leaned towards her.

‘Did you make the marshmallow pie that you gave me?’ she asked, in a hushed tone.

‘Um, yeah,’ Jenna said with a chuckle, ‘Marshmallow Mermaid. I invented it with my mama when I was about nine years old, in my mermaid phase.’

She laughed again, nervously. She looked at the doctor, who had turned away from her and was instead staring straight ahead of her, as if remembering something. Jenna let her gaze linger on her profile for a moment or two, taking in the slope of her nose, and the way she nibbled slightly on her lower lip. Her eyes flicked lower down, to see the way the top of her chest rose and fell as she breathed. But then she remembered herself, turning her head away and looking down at her clasped hands in her lap.

‘That was probably the best pie I’ve tasted in my entire life,’ Doctor Pomatter said, without a hint of irony or exaggeration. Jenna looked up again and saw the doctor smiling at her. There was that flutter in her stomach again.

‘You tried it?’ Jenna asked, before adding with a laugh, ‘I won’t tell your doctor.’

Doctor Pomatter chuckled, then continued, ‘Seriously, that was biblically good. That pie could win contests, and ribbons and things.’

She was staring ahead of her again, as if visualizing the pie in question. Jenna suddenly felt warm, embarrassed, turning away from the doctor and focusing her attention on a nearby tree.

‘What a thing to say,’ she murmured, hearing how her voice trembled and hating it.

‘I am so sorry, that was a compliment,’ Doctor Pomatter apologized sincerely, turning towards her again. Jenna felt a gentle pressure of the doctor’s knee against her own, which in many ways, served only to make her more flustered.

‘I know, that’s why it made me uncomfortable,’ she admitted.

‘You’re blushing,’ the doctor told her, helpfully, ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.’

Jenna shook her head, waving her hand in a manner which she hoped would reassure the woman there were no hard feelings.

‘You know, you remind me of someone,’ Doctor Pomatter said after a couple of moments of uncomfortable silence.

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah, someone I knew when I was a kid. She must be well into middle-age by now.’

‘Um, thank you?’

Then, it was the doctor’s turn to blush.

‘Oh, God – no, no, that’s not why you remind me of her,’ she explained hastily, ‘She was a waitress too, at the diner in my home town. I used to go a lot when I was in school, and she was always nice to me. Used to slip me cookies and cakes and stuff even when I couldn’t pay for them.’

Jenna nodded. ‘She sounds lovely.’

‘Oh, she was,’ the doctor agreed, ‘God, I had such a crush on her.’

There came another flutter in the bottom of Jenna’s belly, and she re-crossed her legs.

‘Mm-hm?’ she prompted, twisting her hands together in her lap.

‘She made all the pies fresh, like you – but I gotta say yours beat hers by a mile,’ the doctor continued. Jenna noticed that her eyes had glazed over a little, and felt a warmth in her chest that spread right to the ends of her interlocked fingers.

It wasn’t as if she hadn’t been praised for her pies before. Far from it, in fact; the diner boasted a healthy patronage, many of whom came for Jenna’s special pie and Jenna’s special pie only. Her abilities in pie-making had been the real reason she’d been given the job in the first place, her amiability and service skills were a bonus.

But there was something new, exciting even, about receiving praise from this person she’d barely met. There was no pretense behind her words, and there was something endearing, perhaps attractive, about her effusiveness.

‘Seriously, you’re like Shakespeare but with pies,’ Doctor Pomatter continued, ‘I had one bite, and it changed my life.’

Jenna smiled, feeling her face heat again, ‘Thank you. You know, when I baked with my mama when I was little, she used to say you could tell a whole story with just the taste of something.’

‘That’s exactly it,’ the doctor agreed, shuffling a little closer to Jenna on the bench, ‘I honestly felt like I left my body, it was that good. Like, you must have _magical_ hands, you know? To create something so… masterful.’

‘You got all of that from one bite?’

Their eyes met properly then. The doctor smiled again at her, and Jenna could find nothing but pure sincerity in the way her eyes crinkled.

She was almost disappointed when she spotted her bus trundling around the corner.

‘That’s my bus,’ she said, standing up and straightening her skirt, ‘It was nice talking with you, Doctor Pomatter.’

The doctor stood up too, facing her. Jenna looked up at her, suddenly noticing the small distance between them, and turned her attention immediately to fiddling with the clasp on her bag.

‘Whatever you need, Jenna, I’m here,’ Doctor Pomatter said gently, ‘For all your questions and concerns.’

Jenna looked up at her again and nodded briskly, ‘Good to know, Doctor Pomatter.’

Feeling a sudden tension across her shoulders, Jenna hopped onto the bus, paid the driver and sat down at the very back. She glanced out of the window to see the doctor had sat down again, consulting what looked like her diary. She couldn’t place why she felt a twinge of disappointment that the woman wasn’t looking back at her.

* * *

Jenna sat on her sofa at home, having kicked her shoes off at the door and slung her satchel down on the kitchen table. With Earl out till God knows when, she had a few blissful hours of peace and quiet. She wandered over to the sink and filled up a glass with water.

There was still a strange, quivering sensation in her belly that she couldn’t be sure wasn’t just the baby. Try as she might, she couldn’t get the doctor’s words out of her head, nor the image of her soft smile. She swallowed a mouthful of water and walked back to the sofa. Then, she sat down again, switching the television on to find something to watch and distract herself with.

She knew she had to get over it. With a miserable marriage and a godforsaken baby on the way, developing a crush on her gynecologist was the last possible thing she needed right now. Lord knows she’d had (and subsequently gotten over) enough silly girl-crushes in her time to know how to deal with them. Distance is what it would take. Perhaps, if it came to it, she could even request a different doctor. 

Finally settling on a cooking show, Jenna put the remote down on the table and tucked both feet up under her, leaning her elbow on the arm of the sofa and resting her head in her hand. She looked steadily at the screen and made mental notes of any new pastry techniques.

Her distraction tactic was working well until the sound of a toolbox being dropped to the floor at the side of her made her flinch violently. Her head spun around and she saw her husband, brooding, both hands shoved in the back pockets of his ripped jeans.

‘Earl?’ Jenna greeted nervously, checking her watch, ‘It’s Tuesday night, what are you doing home so early?’

‘Well, thanks to my asshole foreman, looks like I’m gonna be home a lot,’ Earl answered, walking straight over to the icebox to get a bottle of beer, ‘Says I’m late one too many times, and fires me.’

Gripping a beer bottle in one hand, he unscrewed the cap with the other, and took a long swig out of it. Jenna quietly stood up from the sofa and walked over to the toolbox, lifting it in both hands.

‘I told him, you can take that toolbox and stick it up your ass,’ the man continued, pointing to the toolbox in question with his free hand, ‘I didn’t even want this goddamn job. He called me arrogant. Me, arrogant?’

The man held both arms out in a you-gotta-be-kidding-me gesture, obviously expecting Jenna to leap to his defense. She shrugged an apology, walking over to put the toolbox back in its cupboard.

‘Loser’s been wanting to stick it to me since high school,’ Earl concluded, taking another swig of beer.

‘Earl, I’m so sorry,’ Jenna said, taking a step towards him.

‘Don’t you feel sorry for me, I’m fine,’ he replied, ‘Hell, I’m celebrating.’

He sat down heavily on the sofa, holding his beer in one hand and reaching for the remote with the other. He switched to the sports channel, leaning back on the cushions and stretching his legs out in front of him.

‘So, looks like you’re gonna be paying the bills around here. How did we do today?’ he asked.

Jenna pursed her lips, knowing she was safe to do so as his attention was directed to whatever soccer game was on the television. She reached into her satchel and pulled out a couple of ten-dollar bills. She handed them both to him, and he looked at them as if she’d handed him a dead fish.

‘Are you shitting me?’ he questioned, and she flinched, ‘This can’t be all you earn.’

‘It was a slow day,’ she defended.

‘Maybe you gotta move a little faster,’ he said with a shrug, ‘Where’s my kiss?’

She leaned over to give him a tiny peck on the cheek, then stood up straight again and set about folding some clean laundry. But Earl grabbed her around her waist and pulled her down to the sofa next to him.

‘C’mon, kiss me like you mean it,’ he said gruffly, pressing his lips to her neck. His stubble prickled her, and she winced.

‘Earl, I – I’m not feeling so good,’ she protested, trying to wriggle away from him.

‘You feel fine to me,’ he replied, running a rough hand up the inside of her thigh, ‘Baby, take my bad day away.’

‘Earl – how about I make you something to eat, hm?’ she suggested, managing to pull away from him and get to her feet, ‘I’ve got some leftover chicken pot pie, I can warm it up.’

‘You think I don’t see what you’re doing,’ Earl said darkly, ‘You think I’m stupid.’

‘No,’ Jenna said, firmly. She pulled the wrapped-up slice of pie out of her satchel and walked towards the microwave.

‘No?’ he challenged, standing up and walking towards her.

‘No, Earl, I know you’ve had a hard day, and I thought some warm pie would -’

‘I’m not fucking hungry!’ he thundered, wrenching the pie out of her hands and throwing it at the wall.

‘Earl, calm down,’ Jenna said desperately, feeling a lump rise in her throat.

His eyes flashed then, and he lunged forward, grabbing her wrist and yanking her across the room.

‘I’ll show you calm,’ he growled, and he raised one clenched fist.

‘I’m pregnant,’ Jenna blurted out, with her arms over her head, before she could stop herself.

She waited for the hit. But none came. Instead, there was a cold silence. She brought her arms down again and forced herself to look at Earl. His expression was one she couldn’t read. A sort of confused anger contorted his face, a thwarted furiousness.

‘What?’ he spluttered, lowering his hand and breathing heavily, ‘When the hell were you gonna tell me?’

Jenna twisted her hands together, feeling her heartbeat in the roof of her mouth.

‘I – I know you’ve been under a lot of pressure, I was waiting for the right time,’ she said weakly.

‘Oh, you’ve got great timing,’ he said with a sardonic laugh, running a hand through his tousled hair.

Jenna sighed sharply.

‘I’m sorry, Earl. I’m sorry.’

She heard him take a breath and exhale slowly, clearly trying to calm himself down.

‘Well, I was wondering why you were looking so tired all the time,’ he said, his voice suddenly softer.

He stepped towards her, resting a hand on her belly. She let him do it, gently patting his hand with her own and trying to smile.

‘How about that? I’m having a baby,’ he said happily, turning away from her and picking up his half-finished bottom of beer, holding it aloft in triumph, ‘Little Earl Junior. The legend lives on.’

Jenna crossed her arms in front of her tightly and walked over to sit on the sofa. She jiggled one foot, looking at the game on the screen and nibbling on her lower lip. Earl trudged over to her, swallowing the rest of his beer. Then he paused, dangling the empty bottle between his thumb and forefinger.

‘Say, what if you start to love the baby more than you love me?’ he asked. At Jenna’s quizzical look, he barrelled on, ‘It happens all the time – a woman has a baby, and to hell with the man.’

‘You’re jealous of the baby?’ Jenna asked him, looking up at him.

‘I don’t get jealous,’ the man answered, jabbing his index finger at her, ‘It’s beneath me. I’m just talking my feelings out.’

He walked around the sofa and Jenna felt him come up behind her. He placed a hand on each of her shoulders and squeezed firmly. It hurt her, but she didn’t dare complain. Instead, she winced, patting each of her hands on top of his.

‘Maybe I just need you to make me a promise,’ he murmured, leaning forward so he could whisper into her ear, ‘I need you to promise that you won’t love this baby more than me.’

‘Okay,’ Jenna said flatly, defeated.

‘Say you promise,’ Earl whined.

‘I said okay,’ Jenna disputed.

‘Baby, I need this from you,’ he said hoarsely, pressing prickly kisses down her neck.

She fought the urge to wriggle away from him, screwing her eyes shut and keeping as still as she could. He moved away from her then, walking around to stand in front of her. She looked up at him, still trying to smile, and he took both of her hands in his and helped her to her feet.

‘It’s you and me first, right?’ he murmured into her ear, pulling her tight against his chest and wrapping both arms around her lower back. His hands moved lower, cupping her ass and squeezing. Even though her entire body practically vibrated with the need to push him away, she let him do it.

‘That’s right,’ she answered, her voice barely above a whisper.

He kissed her then, clumsily crushing their lips together. Then he bent down to wrap his arms around her upper thighs and lift her, almost putting her over one shoulder, and carried her up the stairs to their bedroom.

And she let him do it. She let him lay her down on their bed and fumble with the zipper on her dress. She let him drag her underwear down her legs and press possessive fingertips into the skin on her hips so hard that there’d be marks in the morning. She let him because it was easier. And she hated herself for it.


	3. Chapter 3

‘Honey, is it my imagination or is my left boob dropping down even lower?’ Becky questioned, inspecting her reflection in the back of a metal dish and thumping the offending body part with her fist, ‘I’m starting to feel like something Picasso would’ve made.’

Jenna shrugged in sympathy. The diner was closed, and the pair of them were in the pantry, cleaning up. Jenna was collecting together her meager tips for the day, already mentally preparing herself for the mockery she’d get from Earl when she got home.

‘How’d you do?’ Becky asked her, clocking the thin pile of dollar-bills in Jenna’s hands.

‘Not great,’ Jenna muttered, ‘I’m thinking of maybe picking up a couple extra shifts.’

Becky rounded on her, ‘Are you crazy? You work hard enough already.’

She was right, and Jenna knew it. Truth be told, the thought of working any more hours than she already was made her want to collapse to the floor and stay there. But with Earl currently refusing to even _think_ about looking for another job, she was now facing a steep increase in expenses. She needed the money, plain and simple, and with the diner patrons being so stingy with their tips, taking on extra hours seemed the only option.

But before she could argue her case, Becky had spotted the “Dear Baby” book from where Jenna had hidden it on the pantry shelves.

‘What is this doing next to the cinnamon?’ the older woman asked, pulling the book off the shelf and holding it out to Jenna.

‘Oh yeah, I was looking for that -’ Jenna began airily.

‘You can’t write your baby a letter from the spice rack,’ Becky said firmly, handing the book over.

‘I’m not much of a letter-writer,’ Jenna murmured, plonking the book down on the table with a little more drama than she’d intended.

Becky looked at her, worried, and opened her mouth to say something, but the pair were suddenly joined by a squealing, hyperventilating Dawn, who’d run in from the diner where she’d been mopping the floors.

‘I’m having a small anxiety attack,’ she yelped, leaning against the shelves with a hand placed over her chest, ‘I just got a message on my profile.’

Dawn, with heavy encouragement from her friends, had taken a few tentative steps into the world of online dating. She’d talked them through her dating profile, which was just as honest and eccentric as she was, and truthfully, both Jenna and Becky were curious to meet any person who would consider her a match.

‘You been sittin’ on this news all day?’ Jenna said in mock admonishment, folding her arms in front of her chest.

‘He calls himself OKCWithABullet,’ Dawn went on, dreamily, ‘Thirty-two, has all his hair, kind smile, loves poetry, Pavarotti, and puzzles.’

‘He sounds perfect,’ Jenna said with warmth, glad of some good news.

‘Look at you, they’re lining up already!’ Becky exclaimed proudly, slapping the younger woman on the back.

Dawn’s face suddenly blanched, and she grabbed onto her friends’ hands, ‘It’s happening, really happening. I arranged a five-minute date with him tonight.’

Jenna and Becky exchanged puzzled looks.

‘Five minutes? He can’t pay for the whole thing?’ Jenna asked.

‘Well, this way, if it’s a disaster I can make it back in time for History’s Mysteries,’ Dawn explained, grinning as if it was the most brilliant idea she’d ever had.

Jenna and Becky shrugged. It was difficult to argue with that logic.

And so, the three waitresses worked together to prepare Dawn for her first date. Becky put a little makeup on for her, dusting blush on the apples of her cheeks and applying a small amount of lipstick. She also relished in taking out the high ponytail she always wore, and combed through the girl’s dark hair, arranging it so it framed her face better. Jenna worked on an extra special Meet Your Dream Chocolate Cream Pie, whipping up a filling of creamy milk chocolate, swirling passion fruit seeds in with it and pouring it into a chocolate cookie base. Cal had trudged into the pantry at one point but swiftly left again, muttering something about “estrogen asphyxiation” and telling the girls to remember to switch the lights off.

Jenna was glad of the distraction of creating a new pie but found that she couldn’t lose herself in it as well as she could usually. She’d had an idea, a crazy one, so crazy she was almost too scared to speak it out loud, but Becky – as perceptive as she always was – picked up on Jenna’s uncertainty and asked:

‘What is going on with you, girl?’

‘You know that pie contest that’s coming to Springfield?’ Jenna said, ‘I’m gonna enter it.’

She exhaled shakily. That was the first part of the idea out in the open. Her friends, Dawn particularly, had the expression of a kind of nervous encouragement etched across their faces.

‘That’s the first thing you’ve said that’s made any sense in a long time,’ Becky said gently.

Jenna nodded, feeling a little bolder, ‘I’m gonna find some way of saving up the money and I’m gonna do it. And if a miracle happens and I win – I’m gonna – I’m gonna take that money and I’m gonna -’

But she stopped herself, clenching her fist and pressing her lips together. Even after everything, she still couldn’t bring herself to say it. It would mean everything changing. She’d have to leave the town she’d grown up in, start a new life somewhere completely different. And this was all before she’d even had the baby, which was a monumental change in itself.

Thankfully, she didn’t have to say it, because Becky finished the sentence for her:

‘You’re gonna leave Earl.’

* * *

Jenna could hardly believe she was doing it. She was actually doing it.

She put small amounts away at first, stashing the odd dollar-bill inside cereal boxes and recipe books. She hid some inside the linings of the cushions on the sofa, but not too much, in case they made a noise when they were sat on. There were some days when she got barely any tips at all, so she had to sacrifice them in their entirety to Earl to avoid arousing his suspicion. It was slow work, but she had time. She couldn’t remember ever feeling more determined, even though every part of her was telling her she was an idiot and toeing an incredibly dangerous path. All she had to do was keep Earl happy, for as long as it took to get enough money to enter the contest and, if Old Joe and Becky and Dawn and several of their regular customers were right, bake a pie good enough to win it and leave him for good.

A positive of this plan was that the more time she spent hiding the money from her husband, and working even harder at the diner in a bid to receive high tips, the less time she could spend thinking about the doctor. At least, despite the stressful path its mother was taking, the baby was developing well, so the few appointments she’d had so far had been quick and to-the-point.

Everything was going relatively smoothly, until one morning at the diner. There’d already been one significant event: OKCWithABullet himself, Ogie Anhorn, had come to the diner with the express intention of taking Dawn out on a second date. He was well-meaning, if incredibly persistent, and once he’d disclosed the fact that he’d played Paul Revere in no less than forty-two revolutionary war re-enactments, Dawn was smitten.

While the two of them got to know each other, discussing their shared love of turtles, and their shared dislike of whipped cream on pies (something about it being impossible to create the perfect pie-to-cream ratio), Jenna had had to retire to the staff bathroom.

It was there that she noticed a few light spots of blood in her underwear, and felt suddenly unwell. She tried not to panic; it was probably nothing, and the absence of any pain didn’t suggest anything more serious. She tried to convince herself that she had no reason to be concerned; she was taking her prenatal vitamins daily and she was off alcohol. But a scratchy feeling of worry continued to eat away at her as she walked back into the diner and tried to work.

When the afternoon lull in customers arrived, she discreetly (so she thought) went to the telephone on the wall behind the counter and dialed the surgery’s number. After a few rings, the receptionist picked up.

‘Good afternoon, St. Joseph’s, how can I help you today?’ the young woman greeted, her voice a monotone, like she’d had to field several hundred phone calls that day already.

‘Hello, could I please speak with Doctor Pomatter?’ Jenna asked quietly.

‘Who shall I say is calling?’

‘Jenna Hunterson, I’m one of her patients.’

‘Putting you through.’

‘Thank you.’

Jenna waited while the call was transferred, glancing around her and turning more to the wall in an attempt to be less conspicuous. She didn’t want Cal to see her; he still didn’t know she was pregnant, and would probably come out with some considerate bullshit about reducing her hours in order to “make her life easier”, and she couldn’t afford that.

‘Hello?’

The doctor’s voice finally crackled through, and Jenna felt her heart do a little leap, and rubbed a hand across her forehead.

‘Oh, Doctor Pomatter, hi,’ she greeted, willing her voice to stop trembling.

‘Hello, Jenna. What can I do for you?’ the doctor asked cheerfully.

‘Well, it’s probably nothing, but you said to ring you if I had any questions or concerns,’ Jenna began, idly twirling the spiral phone lead between her fingers.

‘Yes, any at all. Is everything alright?’

‘Yes. Well, um – this morning I’m bleeding a little bit.’

‘Okay. Is the bleeding heavy?’ Doctor Pomatter asked her.

‘No, no, it’s very light,’ Jenna assured her.

‘Jenna, I need you to come in and see me,’ the doctor said. Her voice had suddenly dropped in tone, and Jenna felt the same sick feeling in her stomach unfurl itself unpleasantly again.

‘Come in to see you?’ she repeated weakly, ‘Tomorrow?’

‘Yes, can you come in at seven?’

‘You’re open at seven?’ Jenna questioned, frowning, ‘Well, okay -’

Before she could finish, however, Cal had wrenched the phone from her hands and started shouting into it, ‘Excuse me, but I have to take a short stack of perfectly round, meticulously made, once warm, blueberry buttermilk pancakes to table six.’

Jenna blinked at him, mutely taking the pancakes from his hands and bowing her head.

‘Because even though I’m _pregnant_ ,’ the man continued pointedly, ‘I’m working. Bye-bye.’

He hung the phone up firmly, gave Jenna a look that made her want the ground to swallow her whole and slunk back into the kitchen. Feeling her skin prickle in embarrassment, Jenna carried the pancakes over to table six and apologized quietly for the wait. She tried not to think about how Cal had found out about her condition; she doubted he was perceptive enough to have noticed on his own. He must have overheard the hushed conversations she’d had with the girls at the end of the day, and maybe he _had_ heard Old Joe when he’d told her about the Pie Contest (and his dalliance with Annette) and wouldn’t keep his damn voice down. But it was out in the open now, and there was nothing she could do about it.

She just hoped and prayed it wouldn’t affect her job.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (the mature rating particularly comes into play in this chapter hashtag no spoilers)

When Jenna trudged into St. Joseph’s the following morning, she was puzzled to see no receptionist at the front desk, nor any other patients in the waiting room. She frowned, stepping inside and closing the glass door quietly behind her. From her satchel, she retrieved a little takeout box filled with a stash of pocket pies she’d rustled up the night before, to give to the doctor (wherever the hell she was).

She’d had to get the first bus of the day, as there was no chance of Earl giving her a lift in his truck at this ungodly hour. The earliest buses didn’t go all the way to the surgery, so Jenna had had to hop off just under a mile away from the building and walk the rest of the way. With the sun barely over the horizon, there was a chill to the air, and she’d forgotten to grab her jacket before she’d left home. She’d arrived at St. Joseph’s cold, tired, and more than a little grumpy.

A glance at her watch told her it was now a couple of minutes to seven o’clock, so Jenna shrugged and walked through to the consultation rooms.

When she reached the doctor’s door, she stopped in front of it to read the name plaque:

_Dr. J. Pomatter_

_OB-GYN_

She wondered for an idle moment what the “J” stood for. Then, she took a deep breath and knocked timidly on the door.

‘Yes?’ came a voice from inside.

Turning the handle, Jenna opened the door and poked her head around it.

‘Hello?’

‘Hi, Jenna,’ Doctor Pomatter greeted from where she was stood by the window.

‘Oh, hi,’ Jenna greeted, smiling and stepping fully into the room, ‘Where is everybody?’

‘No one else is here yet,’ the doctor explained, ‘I came in a little earlier to see you.’

‘Oh, okay,’ Jenna said, smile wavering a little as she began to wonder what on earth the doctor had planned for their appointment that would warrant arriving before anyone else. She brought an instinctive hand to her stomach as she stepped further into the room, holding the takeout box out in front of her in offering, ‘Here, I brought you some Believe Again poppy-seed pocket pies.’

‘Oh, my God. Thank you,’ Doctor Pomatter said enthusiastically, stepping forward to take the box from Jenna’s hands.

The two women looked at each other for a moment, smiling nervously. Jenna studied the doctor’s face. She looked _different_ , somehow. And far too awake for this time of the day.

‘So, when we spoke on the phone, you said that the bleeding was very mild?’ the doctor clarified, motioning for Jenna to sit on the examination table while she opened the box of pies.

‘Yes,’ Jenna confirmed, hopping up onto the table and crossing her feet at the ankles. She put her satchel to the side of her and clasped her hands in her lap.

‘Has it stopped?’ the doctor asked, taking out a pie and holding it in one hand while she spoke.

Jenna thought for a minute. She’d checked thoroughly every time she’d been to the bathroom since yesterday morning for any more bleeding, but (admittedly, to her relief) there hadn’t been any.

‘No,’ she answered, ‘I only saw it the one time.’

The doctor nodded.

‘Good, then you’re fine,’ she said, before taking a bite out of the pie she was holding. ‘Holy shit,’ she mumbled through her mouthful, grasping the corner of the examination table as if she needed it to stay upright.

Jenna looked steadily at the doctor, waiting for her to elaborate. But she looked lost in herself somehow, chewing the mouthful of pie in a euphoric reverence.

‘Well, aren’t you going to examine me?’ Jenna asked awkwardly, eyebrows furrowing.

‘Oh, no. There’s no need. This is unbelievably delicious,’ the doctor rambled, holding the half-eaten pie aloft and staring at Jenna so intently that she felt herself shrink inside her clothes, ‘That’s not even a good enough word for what this is. What you do with food is _unearthly_.’

Jenna felt her cheeks heat immediately, and looked away in embarrassment, twisting her hands together.

‘Thank you,’ she said quietly, before asking a little more earnestly, ‘Well then, am I alright? There’s nothing wrong with me?’

‘No, not at all. Light spotting is a perfectly normal symptom in early pregnancy,’ the doctor explained, before taking another mouthful of pie and looking like she’d reached Nirvana.

Jenna frowned, clasping her hands together in her lap and turning to face the doctor properly. For all she may have liked seeing the doctor enjoy her pies so much, she also felt like the woman wasn’t treating this matter with the sense of urgency that she’d appeared to the day before.

‘Is that all you have to say?’ Jenna asked, pursing her lips.

Doctor Pomatter looked at her again, swallowing her mouthful of pie and taking a step towards her.

‘No,’ she said, her tone of voice suddenly lower, more serious.

Jenna looked back at her, the silence between them so intense that she could hear her own heartbeat. She looked at the doctor’s face, noticed a few crumbs at the corners of her mouth. The woman must have noticed them too, as her tongue darted out to catch them. Jenna also noted a sheen of balm on her lips. _That’s_ what was different.

‘Well then, what?’ Jenna murmured, her breathing suddenly shallow.

‘Nothing,’ Doctor Pomatter said, finally, stepping back and brushing her hand on her lab coat, ‘Um, you can go now. I will see you at your next regularly-scheduled appointment, just don’t hesitate to call if you have any -’

‘Questions or concerns?’ Jenna finished tersely, jumping down from the table and slinging her satchel over her shoulder, marching towards the door.

‘Yep, any at all,’ the doctor said brightly.

‘Wait – why did you have me come all the way in here if spotting is a perfectly normal symptom in early pregnancy?’ Jenna demanded, turning on her heel and back towards the doctor. She took her satchel back off her shoulder and plonked it down on the examination table. The doctor blinked back at her, stunned into silence. ‘I had to get up early, take a bus, and walk five blocks just to hear that spotting is a perfectly normal symptom?’ Jenna finished, gripping her hips with her hands.

‘I have no response to that,’ Doctor Pomatter replied, nervously.

‘What time does this surgery usually open, Doctor? Eight-thirty?’ Jenna asked, looking down fixedly at her watch.

‘Nine o’clock,’ the doctor admitted.

‘Nine o’clock?’ Jenna repeated, outraged, ‘So you came in here two hours early just to tell me that spotting is a perfectly normal symptom?’

‘It would seem that way, yes,’ the other woman said meekly, looking down at her shoes.

‘Goodbye, Doctor Pomatter,’ Jenna practically snarled, grabbing her satchel and marching again towards the door.

‘Goodbye, Jenna.’

‘No, wait – you know what?’ Jenna carried on, turning to face the doctor yet again, ‘I think you’re strange.’

Doctor Pomatter blinked at her, l blindsided.

‘And I’m not sure I want you to be my doctor anymore, because you make me uncomfortable,’ Jenna ranted, putting her hands on her hips again and looking at the floor. She couldn’t stand to look at the woman’s shell-shocked expression any longer.

‘Jenna, I am so sorry,’ Doctor Pomatter said, stepping towards her with arms outstretched, ‘Whatever it is that I do, I won’t do it anymore. You should not be uncomfortable at this time.’

‘You’re doing it again!’ Jenna snapped at her, arms folded firmly in front of her chest as if that would stop her heart beating any harder than it already was.

‘What?’ the doctor asked weakly.

‘When you talk, and you do the thing with your hands, and you just – forget it,’ Jenna babbled, storming towards the door for the third time, and this time swinging it open, getting out and slamming it behind her.

She leaned back against the door for a moment, a hand over her heaving chest. She could feel her heart hammering in her ears and a strange tension across her shoulders and down her arms. Then she realized she’d left her satchel inside the office, on top of the examination table. Groaning inwardly, she turned around and opened the door again, striding back into the room.

But instead of walking to pick the damn bag up from the table, she found that her feet kept walking her past it, straight towards where the doctor was still stood, almost rooted to the spot. And then, as if her body was acting without her permission, she placed her two hands on either side of the woman’s face and kissed her straight on the mouth.

And it was soft and warm, and – God – _so_ different from kissing Earl that Jenna almost didn’t want to stop. She felt the doctor’s hands on her hips, gripping her, and a gentle pressure as she started to kiss her back. But then she broke away, breathing heavily, staring wide-eyed at the doctor as she brought a hand up to touch her lips.

‘Oh, shit,’ she hissed, grabbing her satchel and running again to the door. She tried to open it, but the doctor somehow got there before her and pushed it closed again.

‘Whoa, whoa, whoa,’ Doctor Pomatter said.

‘What do you want?’ Jenna pleaded, hardly daring to look the woman in the eye.

‘I wanna talk to you, outside of here,’ the doctor said, ‘Can we get coffee together or something?’

Jenna snapped her eyes up to look the woman in the eye and purse her lips.

‘I can’t _have_ coffee, it’s on the bad food list you gave me,’ she spluttered, exasperated, ‘What kind of a doctor are you?’

Doctor Pomatter nodded briskly, ‘Okay, well – you don’t have to have coffee. Maybe a smoothie? Or – or, a fruit juice?’

Jenna had to walk away from her then, slinging her satchel back onto the examination table and running the fingers of both hands across her forehead. She felt the doctor step up behind her, and closed her eyes. Her heart was still hammering away against her ribcage, and she gripped the corner of the table in some effort to ground herself. When she finally turned to the doctor again, the woman was mere inches away from her, her hands fidgeting by her sides. Jenna glanced down at those hands, and an unwarranted image of them running over her body seared into her mind. She swallowed.

‘I – I don’t know why I did that, I’m sorry,’ she whispered, ‘You’re married, I’m married – you, you have a husband -’

‘Wife,’ the doctor interrupted, taking a small step towards her.

‘Huh?’ Jenna uttered, so consumed in her thoughts that she hadn’t really heard her.

‘I have a wife,’ Doctor Pomatter said with a shrug, ‘But – um. Unimportant, right now.’

‘Well, whatever,’ Jenna said, waving her hands, ‘Whoever you’re married to, you’re married.’

The doctor nodded, taking another step towards her. Jenna’s breath hitched in her throat.

‘We can’t. We shouldn’t,’ she whispered, clenching her hands into fists at her sides.

‘I agree,’ the doctor said in response, looking steadily at her.

‘Stop looking at me like that,’ Jenna pleaded.

‘Like what?’

‘Like – like you _care_.’

And it was true. The doctor did look at her like she cared, and not just in a professional capacity. The way she looked so intently at her, _listened_ to everything she said. Jenna wasn’t particularly used to that. That wasn’t to say that Dawn and Becky (and Cal, if he was in the right mood) didn’t listen to her, because of course, they did. But there was something different about the way Doctor Pomatter listened to her and accepted her. She’d found herself hopelessly attracted to this woman and had no idea of how to deal with it.

‘I do care,’ Doctor Pomatter said softly.

She furrowed her brow, moving her gaze downward to Jenna’s hands. She stepped closer to her and reached out, taking one of her hands in her own. And there was such electricity under her touch that Jenna almost couldn’t stand it. Almost.

‘I – I can’t do this, I should go,’ she said hoarsely.

‘I agree,’ the doctor replied.

Neither woman moved.

‘Because this is a bad idea,’ Jenna said.

‘It totally is.’

The women did move then, but only closer to each other. Doctor Pomatter brought her other hand to rest on Jenna’s waist, gently gathering her in. Confidently enough to be clear about her intentions, but not so firmly that Jenna couldn’t step away if she wished to. But Jenna let her, even though her brain was alight with possible scenarios which could happen were anyone to find out. The mess this could cause. The unprofessionalism of it all.

But then again, no one had to find out.

She knew it was wrong. She couldn’t quite believe what she was doing, as her hands moved to grip the doctor’s upper arms, and she found herself pressing against the doctor’s chest with her own.

Doctor Pomatter looked down at her.

‘This is a really bad idea,’ Jenna repeated, struck by how low her voice was.

‘Yeah,’ the doctor agreed, only pulling her closer.

‘But -’

‘Mm?’

Jenna shrugged, tilting her chin upwards and whispering, ‘So what?’

And then they were kissing again, more eagerly this time. Jenna sighed as she gripped the doctor’s shoulders, then slid one hand around to the back of her neck while bringing the other to cup her cheek. Doctor Pomatter pulled her close, running her hands down her back and gripping her hips.

‘Do you know – how long I’ve wanted to do this?’ the doctor murmured, punctuating her words with little kisses along Jenna’s jawline and down her neck.

Jenna could only sigh in response, running her fingertips through the doctor’s hair. She could hear her blood thumping in her ears, coursing through her veins fiercely and setting her whole body alight. She felt the edge of the examination table pressing behind her and reached back to shove her satchel onto the floor. Then, she hitched herself up onto it, sitting with her knees apart and pulling the doctor towards her.

Doctor Pomatter pressed herself between Jenna’s legs, running her hands up her sides while she kissed her. Then, she started fumbling with her white coat, shimmying it off her shoulders. Jenna broke away to watch her, and the sight of the doctor struggling to remove her coat was so endearing that she had to bite her lip against a giggle. She thought it only polite to give her a hand and pulled the garment down the doctor’s arms to free her of it before tossing it across the room.

‘Pretend I did that with a totally-sophisticated flourish, yeah?’ Doctor Pomatter chuckled, her cheeks coloring.

‘Sure,’ Jenna agreed, pulling the doctor to her again.

Their kisses grew more heated, more desperate, and Jenna sighed as she felt a warm hand on the leg she’d boldly hooked around the doctor’s waist. There was still a tiny flicker in her mind of just what a stupendously bad idea this was, but she flatly ignored it. She broke away from the doctor, using her hands to scoot further back on the table. She quickly kicked off her white tennis shoes, then reclined on her elbows with her legs bent up in front of her. Doctor Pomatter took the cue and heaved herself up inelegantly on the table, shuffling towards her on her knees.

‘You alright?’ Jenna asked her, grinning as the doctor placed one knee in between her own and the other on the outside of her thigh.

‘Are you?’ Doctor Pomatter replied, her voice suddenly lower and _dangerously_ flirty.

Jenna nodded, realizing what the doctor was getting at. She leaned back on her elbows and looked up at her as she hovered above her, placing one hand by her head and the other gently squeezing her thigh.

‘Jenna, I…’ the doctor stammered, her hand moving up further till it caressed Jenna’s waist, fingertips trailing gently along her ribcage. Jenna bit her lip as the hand rested just at the side of her breast, as if waiting for permission to go any further.

‘Are you sure about this?’ Doctor Pomatter asked finally, after a few quiet moments.

Jenna swallowed. Was she? Her body was apparently _extremely_ sure, if her racing heartbeat and goose-bumped skin were anything to go by. She glanced down at the doctor’s knee in the space between her legs, a comfortable distance away from her. She then wondered what it would feel like if that knee were just a little closer, maybe even pushed right up against her…

She nodded briskly.

Doctor Pomatter nodded in response, taking a couple of deep breaths. Her hand started moving again, running back down Jenna’s waist and pausing to squeeze her hip briefly, before creeping back upwards again. She was nibbling on her lower lip, a little crease appearing between her eyebrows.

‘Have you… done this before?’ was the doctor’s next question, posed with uncertainty, almost as if it was an apology.

Jenna cast a cursory glance down at her barely-rounded stomach.

‘I think it’s pretty obvious I’ve done this before,’ she muttered, arching an eyebrow.

Doctor Pomatter laughed then, leaning down to rest her forehead against Jenna’s shoulder.

‘No, I mean – have you been with – with a woman, before?’ she clarified.

Jenna shook her head with a shrug. The doctor nodded, her lips twisting into a nervous smile.

Then they were kissing again, less frantically than before; it was as if they had turned the heat down to a simmer, giving themselves time to think it over before they really went ahead with this. Jenna wrapped her arms around the doctor’s shoulders, feeling comforted by the weight of the woman on top of her. Their legs were fully interlocked now, and Jenna murmured something unintelligible as she felt the slow, yet determined, rock of the doctor’s hips against her own.

She moved her hands from the woman’s shoulders and dragged them downwards, stopping at her hips and slowly untucking her shirt from the waistband of her pants. Then, she slipped her hands underneath the material and came into contact with smooth, warm skin. Doctor Pomatter shivered a little, her kisses faltering.

‘Sorry,’ Jenna murmured, taking her hands away, ‘Too far?’

‘No, no,’ the doctor whispered, ‘It’s just – your hands are freezing.’

Jenna giggled, her nose crinkling.

‘Sorry,’ she said again, ‘Helps with pastry-making though.’

The two women chuckled, pausing for a brief moment to look at each other. Jenna reached up to tuck a wayward strand of hair behind Doctor Pomatter’s ear, gently cupping her cheek afterward and stroking her thumb back and forth. The doctor reached up with her own hand to hold Jenna’s, turning it and pressing kisses to her palm.

Jenna brought her other hand down to rest on the woman’s hip again, studying her face as she gently moved her hand upwards, underneath her shirt. Her fingers reached her ribcage, feeling it rapidly expand and retract. Then finally, her fingertips reached her bra, and Jenna’s breath hitched in her throat. She paused there, just feeling the material under her fingers as she moved them back and forth.

Doctor Pomatter placed her hands on either side of Jenna’s head, moving her legs until she was sat astride her hips. Then she sat up, looking down at Jenna as she brought her hands up to start unbuttoning her shirt from the top down. Jenna bit her lip, gently stroking the woman’s thighs as she slowly revealed a flushed chest and taut stomach muscles.

After an agonizing few moments, the doctor was finally free of her shirt and tossed it to the floor. She paused thoughtfully, tracing her index finger down Jenna’s stomach.

‘Okay?’ Doctor Pomatter asked, meeting Jenna’s eyes and smiling.

‘Okay,’ Jenna answered, her face heating.

She lifted herself to lean on her elbows, and the doctor leaned down, bringing their lips together again. Then, with a combination of the doctor helping and Jenna pushing with her hands, she was sitting up. She wrapped her arms around the bottom of the woman’s back as she kissed her, pressing her hands against her skin and grinning when the doctor shivered again.

‘Sorry,’ she murmured.

‘Don’t take your hands off of me,’ Doctor Pomatter replied, her voice hoarse.

Jenna nodded, pressing her lips against the doctor’s again. It was intoxicating, the feeling of kissing her, so different from anything she’d felt from kissing anyone else. Although, she didn’t have much experience in that regard to draw upon; Earl was the first and, till this moment, the only person she’d ever been with. But she didn’t want to think about him right now, she couldn’t.

She raked her fingers through the doctor’s hair, then moved her hands down to rest where her shoulders met her neck. Then, with a boldness she didn’t know she possessed, she moved them further down, stroking her fingertips along the woman’s collarbone; then yet further, letting them wander down till they sat on the sides of the doctor’s breasts. She took a ragged breath.

‘Go on,’ Doctor Pomatter urged, answering Jenna’s silent question while she moved her kisses to her neck.

Jenna nodded, nervously moving her hands just so. Then, she gently squeezed, and the doctor made a noise against her shoulder.

‘Is that okay?’ Jenna whispered, feeling well and truly out of her depth.

Doctor Pomatter nodded firmly, kissing her just behind her ear. Jenna felt like she was melting into the table, but there was the tiniest seed of something doubtful just sprouting in the back of her brain. She felt her cheeks heat as the doctor began fiddling with the zipper on the back of her dress.

‘Can I?’ Doctor Pomatter murmured into her neck.

‘Okay,’ Jenna consented, gripping the doctor’s shoulders as she dragged the zipper down her spine. She shrugged the dress off her shoulders so it pooled in her lap, and peered down at her plain bra and soft stomach. She fought the urge to cover herself, feeling painfully self-conscious.

Doctor Pomatter gently tilted Jenna’s head up with her index finger, giving her an encouraging smile.

‘Okay?’ she asked.

Jenna nodded, taking a few, shallow breaths.

‘Okay,’ she confirmed.

The doctor shuffled back on the table a little, allowing Jenna to get onto her knees and pull her dress off over her head. She was left in her mismatching underwear and blushed, sitting back on her heels and resting her hands on her thighs.

‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ Doctor Pomatter asked softly, edging towards Jenna on her hands and knees.

Jenna nodded, sniffing, looking straight down at her hands.

The doctor was entirely unconvinced, however, and sat on her knees in front of Jenna, mirroring her position as she too placed her hands on her thighs.

‘Hey, look at me,’ the woman urged gently.

Jenna shook her head quickly, wincing.

‘Okay, you don’t have to look at me,’ the doctor conceded, ‘But talk to me?’

‘I’m sorry -’

‘Don’t say sorry.’

‘I want to do this. I just… I got scared.’

‘It’s okay.’

Jenna finally forced herself to look up at the doctor, to see an open, totally non-judgmental face looking back at her. She breathed in and out slowly. She knew she was teetering on the edge of something; she either plunged forward into… whatever this was, or she retreated. She was torn almost completely down the middle as her head and her heart fought with each other. She bit her lip.

She hadn’t felt like this in a long time. While she was nervous, terrified even, she also somehow felt completely at ease. The way the doctor’s gaze had traveled down her body hadn’t made her want to curl up into an embarrassed ball, nor had the way she’d touched her. Hell, she barely knew this woman, yet for some reason, she trusted her.

She looked back down at her hands again and considered the wedding ring still sat disapprovingly on the fourth finger of her left hand. It represented the vows she’d made as a nineteen-year-old, marrying a man who she’d thought she’d loved, who she’d spend the rest of her life with. The feelings of hope and affection she’d known then had long since dissipated, leaving behind a plain, silver-plated band. It seemed to tighten around her finger, reminding her of what was at stake. She pursed her lips a little, then took a deep breath.

Using the thumb and forefinger of her right hand, she slowly eased the ring off of her finger.

She snapped her eyes up to meet the doctor’s as soon as it was off, to gauge her reaction. The woman’s eyes had widened, and her mouth was slightly agape. Jenna smirked, tossed the ring on top of her dress on the floor and lifted her shoulders.

‘That’s better,’ she whispered.

Doctor Pomatter followed suit, twisting her ring off and slipping it inside the pocket of the pants she was still wearing. After that, they shared a quick and intense look of mutual understanding before grabbing at each other again.

Jenna let herself be laid down on the table, gripping the doctor’s shoulders as she slotted her legs in between hers. Then, when they were settled, she dragged her hands down the woman’s back, pressing the tips of her fingers into each divot of her spine, before they reached the waistband of her pants. With the doctor’s breath hot against her mouth, she slipped her hands inside, just at the sides of her hips.

‘Take them off,’ Doctor Pomatter whispered, pressing kisses to the underside of Jenna’s jaw. Then she paused, before adding, ‘Y’know – if you want to.’

Jenna laughed through her nostrils, feeling her stomach bubble. She made quick work of the button and zipper on the front of the trousers, and the doctor kicked them off, letting them drop to the floor.

She tried to relax then, as the woman moved her kisses from her lips down her neck and to the jut of her collar bone. Lower still, over the swell of her breasts and softly trailing down the middle of her stomach. When the doctor finally arrived at her hips, kissing along the edge of her underwear, Jenna brought her hands to the edges of the table and gripped them fiercely, drawing her bottom lip between her teeth.

‘Hey,’ Doctor Pomatter said softly, ‘You okay?’

‘Hm?’ Jenna barely squeaked.

‘You’re trembling.’

‘Oh. Um. I guess it’s nerves.’

Doctor Pomatter nodded, stroking one hand up Jenna’s thigh.

‘And, um - I’m kinda cold,’ Jenna added with a shrug.

The corner of the doctor’s lip curled upwards, and she crawled back over Jenna slowly, gliding a warm hand up her side as she did so.

‘I respectfully disagree,’ she murmured, leaning down to touch their noses together, ‘I’d say you were kinda hot.’

Jenna tutted, giggling and bringing her hands to gently cradle the woman’s neck.

‘Smooth,’ she commented, arching an eyebrow.

And there wasn’t much talking after that. They embraced, their kisses deepening as they tangled their legs together and moved against each other. Jenna was struck by how unabashed she was when they finally removed their last scraps of clothing. She was still scared, absolutely, but it was difficult to focus too much on that when there was a persistent yet pleasant ache between her legs.

The doctor was gentle, attentive, asking before touching her anywhere and grinning when Jenna’s only response was to nod frantically. She let her hands wander, brushing softly over her breasts and stomach, and down to her thighs, before one hand dipped tentatively between them.

Jenna felt like she was on fire as the woman kissed down her body again, curling her fingers inside her and making her breathless. There was something transfixing, intoxicating, about the image of a dark-haired head bobbing slowly between her thighs. She reached down, grabbing onto the hand that gripped onto her hipbone in some effort to ground herself, gasping as she felt a tension brewing in her stomach.

The doctor moved back over her, keeping one hand clamped at the apex of her thighs and bringing the other to brush damp hair out of Jenna’s face. She pressed their foreheads together, working her fingers faster, and faster, and when Jenna finally cried out and shuddered against her shoulder, she held her close.

‘Oh, my God,’ Jenna breathed after a few moments, swallowing. She felt her skin prickle as sweat cooled across its surface.

Doctor Pomatter huffed a laugh, gently removing her fingers from between Jenna’s legs and trailing them up her stomach. She pressed her lips just above her eyebrow, then the side of her cheek, catching tiny beads of perspiration.

‘Okay?’ the doctor asked, eyes crinkling.

Jenna nodded wordlessly and pressed her lips together, still aware of a persistent fluttering in the bottom of her belly. She trailed her hands up the doctor’s sides, looking at how her muscles rippled underneath her skin.

‘This was a bad idea,’ she murmured, though they both knew she didn’t mean it.

‘Totally,’ Doctor Pomatter agreed, sitting back on her heels and brushing her hair out of her face.

Jenna tore her gaze away from the slender, naked body in front of her and glanced at the watch on her wrist. The pleasant fluttering sensation in her stomach was immediately replaced by a sinking feeling as she realized she was meant to be at work in twenty minutes.

‘Shit, I gotta go,’ she yelped, leaping off the table and finding her clothes. Doctor Pomatter did the same, awkwardly crouching down as she picked up her various garments scattered haphazardly around the room.

Jenna blushed as she felt the doctor’s eyes on her as she pulled her underwear back on and fastened her bra. Pulling her dress over her head, she wriggled her feet back into her still-fastened tennis shoes. She struggled with the zipper on the dress, tugging it violently and frowning. It finally cooperated, and Jenna smoothed down her skirt before finding her satchel on the floor. To finish, she slid her ring back onto her finger; perhaps she was imagining it, but it felt rather tighter now.

‘Um, Jenna -’

‘I have to go, I’m sorry -’

‘Yeah, it’s just -’

‘Just – I can’t – I have to go. Um – thanks.’

Jenna screwed her face up and blushed fiercely. _Thanks?_

‘Okay, I just -’ the doctor tried again.

Jenna shushed the woman in frustration, slinging her satchel over her shoulder and stalking out of the room. With the surgery due to open in just over fifteen minutes, it was still deserted, and she sped out of the reception and ran almost the entire way to the diner, tying her tousled hair up into a ponytail as she did so.

It wasn’t until she’d got to the diner and made a short trip to the bathroom that she realized, with sickening horror, what the doctor had perhaps been trying to tell her: her dress was on inside-out.


	5. Author's Note

Hello!

I just wanted to put a little note out there and let y'all know that this fic is currently on hiatus and at the moment I'm not sure I'm going to come back to it.

It's not that I don't still love the idea of "female Pomatter". Far from it. I think it's to do with the fact that I started writing this fic with entirely the wrong mindset. Lemme explain...

When I started my After Waitress fic, I uploaded the first chapter to AO3 with little thought of how it might be received. I just wanted to write a cute story about how Jenna and Jim might have reunited after the events of the show, because I'm a hopeless romantic blah blah blah. It then grew into something much bigger than I ever thought, with (currently) over 4000 hits. The story developed into something deeper and more complicated than I'd ever envisioned it would at the beginning (because I don't plan properly loool). People seemed to really engage with it because they too liked the idea of Jenna and Jim becoming a pair. 

I'd been thinking for a while that I might like to write a fic where Dr Pomatter is a woman (because hash tag representation matters). And with my first two Waitress fics having been pretty well-received, I felt a sense of responsibility and a lot of pressure to do it well.

My "female Dr P" fic went through several incarnations before I settled on what we have today. Initially I'd wanted to do more of an AU fic, but I hadn't done one before and was worried I wouldn't do it well, or it wouldn't feel "Waitress" enough. I also thought about doing a future fic, where Lulu's a teenager and getting into dating and all that fun stuff, and Jenna's affair with the doctor being told in a flashback, but had the same feeling. It just didn't feel Waitressy enough. I talked myself out of both ideas because I thought people would rather read about a female Doctor Pomatter in Waitress' own universe, in its original timeline. Essentially, keeping the story the same, but changing the doctor from a man to a woman.

I therefore began writing the fic with the view that it was probably the story people wanted to read, rather than being the story I wanted to write. And that, my friends, is a Bad Reason To Start A Story.

I didn't always feel this way about it, however. I quite enjoyed looking at how the dynamic changed between Jenna and the doctor with them both being women. I liked listening to the songs on the cast recording (certainly not a hardship) and transforming their lyrics into realistic-sounding dialogue.

The issue with working so closely to the source material, however, was that I was too afraid to really change anything plot-wise. I mean, I was already changing a character's whole sex and gender, how could I possibly change anything else?? But really, the entire point of writing fanfiction in the first place is to take a story you love and, keeping the essence of it, make it your own. And it's occurred to me (with some gentle advice from a dear friend of mine) that I haven't done that.

I've ended up with a story that doesn't feel like mine, and is ultimately difficult for readers to really engage with, because everyone knows how it ends already. And I can tell that people aren't engaging with it, because this fic hasn't gotten nearly as much attention as my other fics in terms of hits/kudos/comments. (Although I don't want to sound ungrateful for the attention it has received - thank you sincerely if you've left kudos or a comment, it really means a lot to me). 

Basically I'm not sure how to proceed. Perhaps I could write a new ending, where Jenna doesn't end things with the doctor and they stay a pair, but I think that would be kinda crapping on Waitress' overall message. I could just carry on with my initial plan, and follow the events of the show to the letter, but then it feels like a rather pointless exercise. Sooo I'm taking a break until I work out what I'm doing, if anything.

I'm not walking away from writing fic altogether - I'm hoping to do some more After Waitress-verse one shots as that seems to be what people really want to read (and, perhaps more importantly, as much as I still love the concept of a female Dr P, that's what I really want to write).

My apologies that this has turned into a bit of an essay... I doubt anyone will read it (if you have then thank you love you) I really just wanted to string together my feelings about this fic and keep people updated on its future or lack thereof.

I guess that's all I have to say for the moment. As I said before, I will be writing other things as I do enjoy it, and I like creating things that people enjoy. I just get the feeling that this fic isn't doing that for many people. Maybe it's just a case of me nursing my bruised ego more than anything else haha.

As always, come chat to me on Twitter (@LauraKatharineX) or Tumblr (laura-katharine) if you want! I'm always down for chats about Waitress/basically anything else.

With love,

Laura xx


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